September 17th, 2007 -11 weeks - My Gummy bears!

It has been a crazy few weeks. I am 11 weeks along and I just got to see the babies on ultrasound today. They look like little gummy bears ( Mike has taken to calling them peanut, popcorn and jelly bean since the first ultrasound). They are all still there and they look to be healthy and measuring all the same size so it looks like they are all going to be sticking around with me for a while. I have to admit that the past few weeks have had some dark times. I went a little crazy. 3 babies was quite a shocker and although I was very pleased to be pregnant finally I was also very scared to be pregnant with 3. I wondered how I would handle it, if my body could take such a thing, if we had enough money, if it was safe for the babies, so many things. But finally in the past week or so I have found my peace with it and although I am still scared and nervous, I have accepted it and i am starting to be excited again. Plus I have been reading all those baby books and I know that they have arms and legs and can feel and really they are mine, all 3 of them. I emailed out pictures to people and most people were excited and said that they didn't really know what they were looking at, but I got to see the real thing and their hearts were beating and their bodies were forming and it is very exciting. I am still very ill, I am hoping that at 12 weeks I magically stop throwing up but I am pretty sure that such things are improbable. My OB doctor was a little grumpy that I am losing weight but I am a puker lately so no go on the weight gain. I figure I am starting out with some extra so the babies won't exactly starve in there. She said that my end goal is to gain about 15 pounds per baby, so 45 pounds total, and that is conservative from what I have read, won't I be a vision. Some doctors want you to gain 75 plus pounds (i am thinking no way) and eat a 4000 calorie diet which my sick, sick belly cannot comprehend right now at all. There are some helpful books out there, the Barbara Luke one that mike's mom got me has been especially useful, and then some not helpful ones. I am pretty much not allowed on the internet ever again because all searches on multiple gestation pregnancies result in mental anguish for me, so I have sworn off them for a while. I have to tell work soon about this whole pregnant with triplets thing sooner rather than later because my doctor told me that I will have to be off work at 20 weeks on bedrest and of course that is only 9 weeks away...that was a lot to take in because of course I have only just began to cope and now I am hearing all of the exciting challenges and weird potential complications of pregnancy that I will have to deal with but at least I will have babies so it is worth it. I am sure that my boss will see it the same way, laugh.
I am normally such a planner and I am not sure if I should start planning ahead or wait to give the babies some more time before I start getting things ready, I am still a little hesitant to buy anything, I think that I will wait until closer to 16 or 20 weeks for that, get over the early trimesters and into the second. In addition to being sick, I am TIRED, so very tired. I got to patient's houses and I am thinking, do you mind if I lie down for a second? I seriously think that instead of lunch I might just start going home for naps. I certainly can't keep up with the pace that I had before the tiredness started. Plus I have to eat constantly even though I am sick and I have to stop and pee every 2 seconds and I am supposed to drink a ton of water and these things seem a little contradictory since I hate having to stop and pee and/or eat/or be sick. It ruins my schedule which up until recently has been very organized. I hate being late to patients and so it is a little inconvenient to have to be late and make excuses, but it will all be worth it (that is my new mantra). No more complaints, it actually isn't all that bad considering and really I just think about the fact that I could still be giving myself shots everyday and doing fertility treatments with no results month after month and time and time again and then I remember that I want to pee too much and be tired and sick all the time and have to go on bedrest because the alternative is not being pregnant and wishing I was and I really want to be a mom and I went through a lot to get here... so I tell myself "Buck up little sailor, it can't rain all the time" and I get through the day a little late and a lotta sick but still smiling.
Next week is twelve weeks, a good milestone and in 4 weeks we have another ultrasound so we will get to see how they are doing and maybe even find out some genders if they feel like showing us! Mike thinks 2 boys and a girl and teases me that it will be 3 boys, I think 2 girls and a boy. I hope there's at least one of each but really I guess that it doesn't really matter as long as they are healthy.